Monday, 26 December 2016

Hmmm future?

Hello masa depan? Di manakah anda akan membawa saya?

It's my final semester--- I need to plan out my future haha. I've been considering a part time job / full time at any ID Company near Shah Alam, or at Shah Alam itself. And degree, I want to continue ID. I'm really passionate about it, of course I love plenty of other things as well but id speaks to me like no other courses can. Archi pun interesting but I really like ID more. Industrial Design pun interesting weh. Hmm. Graphic pun, graphic pun!!!

But let's focus on my studies (degree) first. Danial kept talking about UIA (alah he wants me to be closer to him je :p) but I heard good stuff about UIA, even miss dila is doing her masters there and she speaks nicely of the department and im really interested, i really am. Epap kept talking about USM (penang; thats twice the distance from shah alam to perak) i dont know about the department (ID) bcs epap dalam archi so, it's diff. I need to find out more. Taaaaapi, the thought of Penang. The thought of me, studying in Penang... my god, tempting nya. Hahahaha! Okay ni fikir berjalan lebih ni. Tapi yelah, bila lagi? Kan?

On the other hand, my fav senior, who helped me a lot - Sam. Insist me on finding a scholarship out of Malaysia. Hmm. Pastilah nak, gila taknak? Sebab this is very general la, satu benda ni akan ubah banyak benda. One thing about studying in Malaysia, design berorientasikan cuaca panas je and hujan. But once u go out, akan belajar 4 season. And benda tu je, akan belajaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar banyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak sangaaaaaaaaaaat. Banyak yang perlu di-consider thus banyak yang akan belajar.

Kaaaahwin? Haaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ni kalau jadi ni mmg lain cerita dia ni. Hahahaha. Leklu, tunggu habis diploma ni dulu okay. Alah kawin time degree pun boleh apa. Boleh Danial buatkan model, pergi print kan board, kan? Hahahaha!!! Main main je. Main main je.

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Missing Bung Dar

Ego & Zero Consideration

Some people they just put others on mute. They refuse to listen, refuse to pay attention, refuse to see the case in a bigger picture, from different angles.

"Take em all, take em all, go ahead" then they sarcastically retreat and went moody all day long.

Some people will never agree with opinions other than theirs. How cruel is that, to live in this world, with various views and various people, but to only live in a harsh way; hurting others while you're riding it?

Cant fathom.

Diff issue - when A is a friendly person towards others, you wont be surprised if A is friendly with you. When A is a disciplined person, you won't be surprised if A showed up early. When A is a thoughtful person, its not weird to receive a hug from A on your bad day.

But when you constantly see A lying to other people, dont be surprised if A has told you 10 thousand lies.

Your priorities says a lot about you.
Theres always something new to learn everyday.

Thursday, 1 December 2016

This is important, I wanna remember this.

So, I've been trying to khatam my quran for 2 years now. Started when I entered uni. And now, after 2 years; akhirnya khatam. Alhamdulillah.

It took such a long time ya rabbi lamanya. Anyway. When I was in school, I read my quran without its translation so honestly with no understanding of the Arab language, how could i understand a thing. Theres no outcome. I felt no fear, i felt no peace. The water was still. Tidak deras tidak pula perlahan, kaku dia terdiam.

Then I decided to buy one with translation... urmmmm i dislike the design hahaha! I was like -_- pages dia rainbows and banyaKKKK bunga. But I like the content, the meaning is in malay and on the bottom of each page there's a story to be read. And it's for women. So the stories are much more relatable for women.

I read the quran slowly, i read its meaning, and then its ayat. meaning. ayat. meaning. ayat. one by one. because my mind suka meliar pergi jalan jalan they have their own destination at times. So thats the best for me. And I dont force myself to read as much as I can, i learn to read it slowly. it works for me, so, bagus la kan. Of course, there was ups and downs, ada hari tak tersentuh pun. Malunya? Haih tapi thats the truth.

I love the feeling I get; hope, there's always a promise for those who are beriman, syurga di mana bawahnya ada air yang mengalir; khas untuk yang beriman. How beautiful He describes everything. Its amazing, thru quran, He planted hope beautifully into my heart, besarnya kasih sayang Dia. I love the shiver and the fear i get from reading quran too. His promise of neraka for the ones who doesnt obey Him. I get legit scared at some of them. How he took away kaum yang tak mahu bersujud kepada dia sekelip mata, macam tu je... the way He describes the punishments yang tersedia di neraka.

Quran is the one and only book that made me shed my tears. Because sometimes I feel like Im such a sinner, i sinned so much, tapi when I know He forgives the one yang bertaubat, how could i not cry? How could i not cry over His mercy.

I have plans for later, I wanna learn Quran better. Just berharap sangat this feeling wont fade away, because I'll never know what i'll be like later in life- ada kemungkinan hati berpaling, iman merudum makin berkurang. Moga agar tetap dilembutkan hati sampai hari aku mati. Moga sentiasa terbuka hati terima kesilapan sendiri, selalu memperbaiki diri, tak pernah bongkak tak pernah riak. Amin.

note to self: u wrote this around 8pm
motif: so that u'll remember what it felt like, how bittersweet the last few surah was for u, and the last one- surah Al-Nas especially.

Thank u Allah for this chance.

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Change is hard, I should know.

8 months before, I was crying my ass off because I have to stay in Shah Alam. At that moment i was too attached with Seri Iskandar, gosh I miss that place so much. Theres basically nothing there, thats why i miss it so much. Its calm, the sky in Perak was always beautiful. Foggy mornings. Cold nights. Cheap food. Great studiomates.

Now that ive spent 8 months here (at Shah Alam), my feet is in the ground. I honestly never thought that itd end up this way. That id end up feeling this way. My emotions are unstable, i feel rocky, i might lose my balance. I need to get myself together because this is it, my last semester for diploma. This is it. I need to ace it.

Its harder for me this time; i am sinking deeper because someone is pouring endless love and affection into my pool.

I hope Allah will help me through it all. InsyaAllah.

Saturday, 26 November 2016

I hope this is it

My friend told me the other day; u do realize that we're still young right? Dont stop searching now.
So what? So what if I want to settle here. Because I have plenty of reasons to stay.

Because I've never been loved more. I always find myself giving all I can to the ones who doesn't deserve it. He respects me, and gosh I respect him even more. He pushes me to be better, he constantly guide me to be a better person. Theres so much more but Danial I know ure stalking me. So I'm not gonna continue anymore lol.

When you stumble upon someone who could potentially be the one who you could struggle with your whole life, why not, why not settle with that person?

Sunday, 20 November 2016

Turning 20 on the 20th

I wanted to do a blog post about Kelantan. That was weeks ago haha. I expressed my experience through a letter so it feels weird writing about the same thing twice.

Anyway, its the 20th of November, and I'm 20.

Somehow I feel that this is compulsory. I'm not gonna do 20 things I learn by 20, omg thats a lot. Just whatever realization that came knocking on my door la kebelakangan ni.

  • Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. That's William Shakespeare; and it is so true. Friends 'round me mcm been having problems kan, ala who doesnt, even aku juga constantly finding myself stuck in a web of problems. Then, we face difficulties on how to act towards certain people. I would always get back to that quote (or at least I try to). Which leads to my second point...
  • Biar Ikhlas. Its a seriously simple formula. U buat baik, akan dibalas baik. What made it complicated (kononnya) is that katakanlah we give so much to this person- A. But A never gives anything back to you. Thus; u jadi sedey pedey. Let's zoom out a bit. Pluuuuup *zoom out* I'm sure u receive goodness from someone else jugak kan? U receive unexpected kindness from unexpected people. Allah will give back to you, Dia confirm bagi punya, tapi maybe jalan lain.

Thats why, just buat je baik to everyone because that's His perfect equation, what u give u'll get back! Mudahnya, I wish I knew it mcm earlierrrrr masa sekolah dulu. Makin lama, makin jelas, makin dengar cerita people mcm friends and all, their problems, my own problems, nampak yg das so true?

Anyway, I had a good day. A really fine day actually. Macam, His plans, are top notch. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. Mana-mana pun, you'll never lose. Indahnya!!! Rasa terharu and nak nanes bila fikir hahahaha. Excuse me maafkan shaye.

selamat hari lahir to me and my sissy <3

our first photo together

exploring thru cfs

Saturday, 22 October 2016


kent weit 4 2moro es i am going to klate

side note
i just hope that everyone is happy with everything!!! hahaha
slowly luvin livin da solo dolo lyfe

remembered exactly why i hated it hahaha
hated the idea of it je ok i dont hate anyone

Monday, 10 October 2016


thank u for the closure bcs i needed that. meh, not gonna hate u or anything like that. i hope u ruin everything for a solid reason, and i really hope that ure happy. and she'll be happy as well. i hope she makes u happy like the guy u should be.

all ur life u feel like uve been pushed around, i hope she wont push u around. i hope ull appreciate her, all of her. i hope the both of u have a high tolerance towards one another. a high understanding between one another.

i hope ull never stop writing, whatever it is may it be- lies or truth meh, i dont even know anymore. i hope she'll treat u well. i hope she considers ur feelings as well.

a part of me wishes u all da best but theres this tiny voice inside my head wanna see u get hit by a train haha or just maybe fall into the drain.

meh, all in all im happy for u, i really am.
be happy for me too bcs my 7 year plan is back on track again.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Couldn't believe myself

Had lyke a 20 mins nap during lunch time
Woke up shocked
Somehow i immediately cried

Deleted your number already so
I just dialed whatever number i can think off

He sounds so much like you
but he said "sorry, wrong number"

Saturday, 24 September 2016


Im trying so hard to be understanding and its killing me... haih. Saying i miss you wont even change anything. Nothing would change anything. There's no point of saying anything at all tbh.

But y tho :-(

Wednesday, 21 September 2016


Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Boy, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now

Said, boy, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience

I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider

Said, my boy, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it

all it takes is patience,
just a little patience

Friday, 19 August 2016

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

It has been a while

Dah 2 minggu jadi intern kat Archicentre. So far so good. Not too stressful. Not stressful at all tbh. Im just going with da flow.

I think uni lagi stress but intern lagi letih... all those train rides. All those walking. All those dogs!!!

But i like it so far. Anyways its ramadhan.

I miss last year's ramadhan so so much. Heres something that i figured yesterday.

I think the only people who really knew me is my studiomates. (Apart from my family). Sbb kita 24/7 with each other. I feel like im kinda diff with other people. Bukan feel like in fact I know that i am diff with other people. I dont talk as much with other people.

And i kinda miss them. I miss berbuka with them at the studio... gosh i hate them hahaha. Taknaklah rindu sgt nnti menyesal. Gi mampoz semua.

Sometimes i feel so overwhelmed by books / music. Those 2 are the things tht i surround myself with.

But lets focus on books bcs i think its better to talk about books... takdalah lagha sgt. I feel like... so tiny bila bersebelahan dengan buku -- dengan ilmu. Ada satu puisi ni from high school. Tajuk dia Di Perpustakaan. I couldnt get tht line out of my head since the first time i read it. (Yg bold tu)

Maju ke ruang buku
Terlalu kerdil aku di sini
Terapung di laut ilmu
Tercurah berzaman
Dalam tak terselam
Betapapun kulayari
Bahtera ilmu di sini
Tak terteroka
Yang akan kucatat
Hanya setitik dari tinta
Yang akan kupetik
Hanya sebiji dari mutiara
Engkau adalah pusaka moyang
Gedung peradaban insan
Terhimpun berzaman

U feel me? Bila pergi kedai buku i feel SO TINY. What am i. Not even a single percentage of me, secebis pun tidak - ada apa yang laut itu miliki.

Gosh. Please. When i think about it more n more. tu baru buku. What about Allah's knowledge????? -- no matter how big u r, its still Allahu Akbar. So true.

I wanted to talk about lgi satu benda but dah terlupa. Mai tgk boleh recall ke x.

Food? No. Love?? Not really. Attitude... yes.

Fake it till u make it.

I guess thats who i am right now. Im faking it till i make it. Deep inside i want someone to care about me. I like it when i have someone special to talk to. But im faking it all -- so that i dont have to layan perasaan.

I know this is not true but im making it true > quoted from Blair of Gossip Girl.

 "We are not servants to our emotions. We can control them, suppress them, stomp them out like bugs."

Hahahaha. Blair wat heb u dan 2 mi brain?

Monday, 23 May 2016

A Weird Ritual

I often find myself listing down negative things tht happened in ma life. but tbh, i have serious trust issues. its hard for me to trust anyone with anything. people often say that they wont tell anyone abt it and BlalalAlala but they often do the opposite.

thus, as an alternative, i always write about my problems in my journal. i pOUR literally pooUr my emotions in it till I feel like... slightly -- empty?

all i could see is my problems, cloudy days, and basically the emo side of me lol. then the other day i decided to list down the positive things as well.

ended up with 17 positive things and only 5 things that makes me sad???

see, its true what they said, happiness is a frickin choice! u need to decide wht u want n just simply make it happen!!!


Thursday, 12 May 2016

Purple Haze

Feeling a tad bit happier

Sometimes, I feel like I dont have a purpose in this world. Especially when I'm (sorry for getting this far) on my period.

If you're a guy and you're sensitive about stuff like this, please feel free to exit.

Hahaha. It's like I don't have a purpose and I hate that feeling.
I hate the fact that I can't solat.
I know, i know, it's easier mcm to travel whatsoever, i can go out whenever
i can sleep whenever i want without worrying will I miss my subuh prayer.

Tapi I just hate it, because it makes me feel off.
Hah. That's something isn't it.

Anyway, I've been digging thru my brother's room, di mana letaknya most of my old stuff. Currently I dont have any room, i tidur di ruang tamu. So thats the main cause of me - feeling lost. But I'm alright.

Apparently, I have like 5 novels that I really wanted to read before I went to Uni. But I didnt bring any to SI because lets be real for a sec here.

There's no time to read anything over there. The only thing i can commit to is the Quran. Notes for classes pun jarang... jarang... jarang sangat sentuh, apatah lagi if I bring novels en.

So, I think im gonna start reading again. And i've been writing again; which is good. I love to write journals. And i've been watching movies again, which is surprisingly good. And i've been listening to music again, which is also good.

Malas nak explain but I think I should, so that I'd remember why I did the things i did.

I am attached to routines. I need routines in my life in order to function properly.

Masa I first entered UiTM, god knows how hard i had time adjusting myself. Thank god for my Shah Alam friends; all of them, i repeat, all of them. I would never forget their good deeds and how they helped me survived thru my first semester.

The playlist that made me thru it was "Happy to be Home" @ Spotify and New Girl was really helpful as well. I created a new routine for 2 years.

And since I'm home, I feel like everything is lost. I know it sounds silly. Tapi I have nowhere to unleash my creativity and I feel like i'm unable to create anything. Because I was feeling creative mainly in my studio @ SI, so bila balik sini I feel somewhat blank. Especially when I'm not surrounded by my old stuff - kan i tido kt ruang tamu kn.

So... i dug thru my old things, found my old journals, found my old books, u know, Shah Alam things.

And i figured it all out, I need to create a new routine, then and only then i can adjust to my surroundings.

Ahah! No one could ever understand what i wrote but this is a #notetoself hahaha.

So... i'm currently working on it. Started a journal again, started reading again, started cooking. YAPP. Masak beb. Masak. Who could ever thought of that. I hope I can easily adjust to my surroundings but I guess thats just not my nature. Maybe I'll be like that soon... satu hari nanti.

You know they often say, certain things takes time.

Here's a song that made complete sense to me at this moment haha. It's John Mayer - Perfectly Lonely. Have a good day peeps.

And dapat results Uni today. Kinda happy with the outcome :)

Wednesday, 11 May 2016

Good movies to watch

If you are feeling lovey dovey, give this movie a go. - p.s I love you
here are some screenshots of the movie, pretty cheesy. but i love it. cried from the beginning till the end. yup, im emotional to that extend.

next, is HER
such a unique way to be in love again, i'd say
menyelami suatu yang mungkin

brilliant movie. what more should i say, give it a go > this is the movie
and the cinematography is sooooooo goood and it makes me feel so warm
please... dear friends, excuse the nude scenes


Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Bit by bit

No matter how hard I try to obtain whats in front of me, my shadow keeps running backwards; wanting to be in the hands of something its familiar with.

Ha. Faham?
It has been 5 bloody long years Yana, crushes are called crushes because they crush you

You shouldve known better?

Sunday, 24 April 2016


"Can't live with them, can't live without them"
Theres plenty that I would love to say about this. And it has been stressing me out. So. Much. So. Damn. Much.

But, biarlah sampai situ je.

Thursday, 21 April 2016

I am not a busy kid anymore

and I'm losing my sanity!

I need to be busy in order to--
live properly.

I'm back at Shah Alam and things haven't been doing that good lately.
I miss Seri Iskandar so much that the first night I was at home I cried for hours and I couldn't fall asleep.

Macam tebalik but I guess I am attached w/ SI's surrounding. I created a routine that I loved there. Thus when I realized I need to stay here in Shah Alam for another 7 months, I cried, and cried, and, cried.

I guess I am not that flexible to major changes? Gosh I am not even certain of myself sebenarnya.
The other day, I had an interview for my intern.

"Tell me about yourself"

dalam kepala fikir -- I don't even know myself hahaha.
I am not certain of myself.

Will I ever be? Well Allah knows. I miss Him so much lately rasa macam bond dah decrease.

Ending this post with my latest picture, nope it doesn't even matter. I just like my new top that's why.

Sunday, 10 April 2016

Nope, just looking.

Its just that, I know what I want. I know for certain that love is not what I'm looking for right now.

It certainly is not.

But at times that loneliness strikes and I wonder... will I ever be loved?


"We accept the love we deserve" -- thus, is it possible to gain nothing because I feel like I deserve none? If I don't gain anything, I won't lose a thing, kan?

Tuesday, 29 March 2016


Im not officially done with it yet. Tapi kali ni lps dh submit still tak rasa jiwa bebas haha.

Maybe sbb ada assg assg lain kena submit and theres 3 papers to sit.

InsyaAllah, all is well.

Friday, 11 March 2016

Home is where the heart is

I miss shah alam, I miss my parents, i miss my sibs.
10/4 okay Yana, insyaAllah.


Each individuals are dots and when it's connected; together we are something big and we can eventually create a masterpiece.

Love you guys ap1174a. Forever and always.

Tuesday, 1 March 2016


The thing is University ni kan, at first you'd hate it.
And in between, you'd have a love-hate relationship with it.

Pastu in the end nanti (kalau graduate, insyaAllah graduate)... I'm sure; i'm 100% sure, I'm going to miss it.

When I was in high school, I really thought that 5STE was my family. Everything feels so right. Ada Epap, Dauz, Fakhri. They're always by my side.

It sucks sbb we went our own ways. Epap w his Archi. Dauz go on dgn Business meanwhile Fakhri sambung Engineering. And me, pursuing my interest yg I simpan since I was 6 y/o, I go on dgn ID.

Promises were made to be broken. So yup we did broke our 'promises'. "Weh nanti jumpa" "Balik bagitau, gerak Williams" tbh I rarely talk to them now. A few je school mates yg still rapat and still going strong.

My point is, i thought they were my extended family.

Never thought that there could be a stronger bond compared to those tht I once had. Studio life ni, rugi siapa tak dapat experience.

Malas nak cakap lebih sebab takut benda yg I ckp jadi angan-angan sbb I can't predict the future.

But for now, right at this moment, pukul 2:16am ni, deep in my heart this is what I feel- 'this is right. This is my extended family'. Just for record, whtever thats gonna happen, I love you guys AP1174a.

Store based ke studio based? ;)

Saturday, 27 February 2016


This 'issue' has been lingering on my mind for quite a while.
Dgn quite a while i mean... dari last year?

I don't talk much about my problems. But for this case a dear friend of mine makes a complete sense out of my sense-less mind.

I kept judging myself... sbb tbh I'm not a serious person. I learn to take things slowly, I go where the flow brings me, I live in my little bubble and in general, I am not a serious person.

I never caption things seriously. I rarely post serious pictures. I never type 'hahaha' carefully. I just do whatever the @#$% I'd like. But then I compared myself with another person (who's life is very very very diff from mine)

She has such poise, such confidence and a level of greatness that I don't own.
Thus aku rasa macam, what on earth have I been doing all this while?
Why am I treating myself like a kid?

I told all of this to Harith, and he said what anyone would say.
"Kau jangan la compare kau dengan dia, hidup dia lain, hidup kau lain"

Betul kan, 100%

And just a reminder to myself, you are great at what you do, no matter how u do it, just make sure u're rockin it.

And here's a quote to finish up my nag -
"Another woman's beauty is not the absence of your own." -Taylor.