Monday, 9 October 2017

So, yeah

This is a bit private yet I know this blog doesn't get much visitors so I guess it should be okay for me to write about it here.

I have an ovarian cyst and its normal for women to have it. Went to the clinic without expecting it at all. It's normal to have it, it is. But it brought along hormonal imbalance.

I am already very driven by emotions when its the time of the month. Sometimes i feel like there is no in between, im either a zero or a complete 10.  Jealousy, feeling sad, feeling unworthy (gosh this is really really bad tho, sumpah i cant even) and the list of emotions goes on and on.

After the doctor told me the cyst would disturb my hormones, gosh everything makes sense... I was so, very much, so much, bitter towards the people around me. Now that i know better, i can actually talk some sense into myself whenever im under that grey cloud. Masih ambil masa, it didnt happen in a blink of an eye.

Oh well my next checkup is next month. So... We'll see.

Thursday, 28 September 2017

Playlist : Liyana

There's this one playlist on Spotify called Liyana.

Danial created it for my birthday. And on my birthday, we went out and this playlist was the soft velvet running through my ears.

Now whenever I listen to this playlist I could only remember the good times I had and all the places we went. Nothing seems to open on that day because it was a Sunday. But I had so much fun eating cakoi, driving around and taking photos.

I'm writing this as I'm listening to it :)


Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Just Thinking

I've been listening to the Stories of The Prophets by Mufti Ismail Menk.
Within every story/kisah in the Quran, there's something for us to learn.

Followers of each Nabi, compared to the other party, is always smaller.
The ratio is crazily uneven.
Sometimes theres only 2 followers versus a whole other community of people.
So what is it that we can learn from that?

The majority isn't always right.

Sunday, 9 July 2017

Maaf


Jauh di sudut hati, berantakan. Retak pabila siang, malam ku dikejar bayang. Kedua-duanya tidak tenteram.
Jauh di sudut hati, hanya berharap agar doa didengari; agar yang silap diampuni dan yang keji tidak dicaci.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Roll #1
























raw & untouched photos of my first roll of film after so long. danial hadiahkan a disposable camera for my 20th birthday (2016) and man... it was such a thoughtful gift (how am i gonna top that?) in fact it was perfect. often we get presents that makes us happy for a brief moment tapi this one lasted for such a long time. and the photos turn out well, im so happy with the quality but then of course ada yang tak menjadi, but then again, normal lah film cameras kan. im just so happy :)

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

^ that was me, breathing out sekuat hati

Where do I even begin? Im in a state of... not to say confusion lah, just in a state of uncertainty because I am jumping into this new portal that I've never experience before. I say portal because its dark and I'll never know apa ada kat dalam portal tu. U see? Bukan into this new light ke apa.

I baru kerja like 2 weeks, and my plan now is to continue kerja for awhile until I rasa... it's time for degree. We'll see. I dah cuba my hardest utk minta petunjuk from Allah and I rasa mana yang dipermudahkan tu, InsyaAllah it's the best for me. A part of me is just scared that what people say is going to be true.

"Kalau kerja lepas diploma lagi lagi perempuan mesti tak sambung dah"
"Kalau dah dapat duit mesti lupa belajar"

Yknow, things like that. But urm... theres just so many possibilities in life and I want to cherish that. I want to celebrate the differences in life, and my friend told me everyone has a different path in life, and it's okay to do things your way. Betul lah, kalau nak ikut kan bontot kawan je, tak boleh juga. Just be supportive towards each other I think that's the best way to do it. Be supportive.

And by different paths in life, that also includes not continuing degree- sebab theres so many possibilities and rezeki Dia bagi tu bermacam-macam. It is of course what I deeply want to achieve. But tu lah, we plan and Allah is the best planner of all.

---

Okay this is a different topic haha... today was such a weird day. Stressful indeed, its a saturday... bukan kah patutnya hariku berjimba? Haha no lah but its just weird and stressful. And I want to emphasize on how important it is to actually talk about your feelings with whoever you trust. I told mama yang I stress and Danial too. (Oh Danial dah habis degree, im so happy for him alhamdulillah. I wanna go to his convocation day insyaAllah) it is such a good feeling tau, when you realize that your problems exists and thats completely fine and ada people yang sudi dengar tu kira bagus sangat and especially when they truly care and loves you. And I also stumbled upon this quote the other day which makes so much, sooo much sense - so what if life is not perfect. It's not Jannah.

Betul sangat tu tau, because I often want things to be perfect and literally krai when things get wrong and then ill be okay again once i realize yang ni dunia hahahaha. Haih the silly cycle. Takpalah. I have things I want to blog about but I cant find the time to actually do it.

I want to make a special post about UiTM :) because i want to remember it and aha... since I dah tulis ni, I kena lah buat kan.

Okay bye bye